Fun With Uncle Emmett: The Chronicles
by Rare but somehow funny
Summary: This is just a whole bunch of nonsense about my fave Vamp. EMMETT! I just thought that he and Nessie will have a bunch of random moments with each other, such as having fun and getting into trouble. Mostly trouble. :P Enjoy!
1. Hide and Seek

Hey all! It is I again!! I just wanted to put this story up for the hell of it. I hope you enjoy it!

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Fun With Uncle Emmett: The Chronicles

Chapter One: Hide and Seek

*Emmett's POV*

"But I want to go with you, Mama!", whined Renesmee, tugging on Bella's arm. Everyone else was going hunting... all but me and Nessie. As I looked at her trying to force her mother to give in to her, I understood her pain. I wanted to go too!!

"But I want to go with you, Rosie!", I also whined, squeezing the life out of my darling Rosalie. She just released herself from my embrace and kissed me.

"No, you went yesterday", she said, " and besides.... it's your turn to babysit."

I put on my best sad face.

"No, Emmett."

I sighed. "Fine, you can forget about tonight."

She smiled and left with the others, leaving me alone with my niece.

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* Nessie's POV*

No fair. I wanted to go with, Mama. She responded by saying "No, Love". I sunk to my knees and let out a small cry.

"Nessie, Don't cry." I looked up to a smiling Uncle Emmett. Bless him. That goof ball always cheers me up.

"Mama and Daddy left me", I whispered.

"The selfish bastards will return later", he reassured me, "Let's play a game while we wait."

"Ok."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Umm.... hide and seek?"

He frowned and said," Nessie, I'm too huge to hide."

I giggled. "No, I'll hide and you seek." I got up and ran as far from him as possible. I hear him counting.... incorrectly.

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* Emmett's POV*

"...9, 7, 10, 11, 20.....", Screw numbers..., " READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!!"

I uncovered my eyes and started searching for her in the family room. I lifted the couch, hoping that she'll be there. Instead of Nessie, I found something glorious! A remote control! Goddammit, I was happy!! In one swift moment, it was in my hand. I relished the moment of it in my possession. I sat back on the couch and turned on the television. OH. MY. GOD. My game was on! I closed my eyes and sighed in appreciation.

... An hour later...

"Whoo!", I shouted," What a great game!"

"Emmett?", a feminine voice out of nowhere caught my attention. I looked around me, and saw Rosalie, Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme. They were all looking at me disapprovingly.

"Where's Renesmee?", asked Bella, giving me a death glare.

Realization dawned on me. "OH CRAP!"

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* Nessie's POV*

It has been an hour already, and Emmett still hasn't found me yet. Here I am.... under the kitchen sink. I smiled to myself. I felt victorious. I'm the best hider in the world!


	2. Builder Bear Workshop

Hi! Ok... You know something? As much as I hate writing an Author's Note..... I have to do it just to fill you all in. I'm just very lazy lol. So far... I'm going to stop writing Harry Potter for a while because.... I have no reason. Jk I'll still write a couple. Goddammit you all suck. :P So anyways.. it pisses me off when I don't get much reviews..... those who bothered to comment on my stories... ummm THANK YOU!!

So... on to the story: Emmett and the others go to the mall. Not telling anymore. Read for yourself. :P Tehe!

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Chapter 2: Builder Bear Workshop

*Emmett's POV*

We're all in the family room. Just chilling, until Alice suggested that we should all go shopping... for the 50th time this whole year. We could disagree with her but... she's to adorable to turn down. Damn pixie. I wanted that kind of authority. Oh well.

"Alice, I don't want to go!", groaned Jasper, looking down at his wife.

"Come on, Jazz," Alice cooed, seductively tugging at his collar, "you can help me with lingerie."

"Gross," I muttered.

Soon enough, we left.

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*Nessie's POV*

I'm tired of going to the mall. It's all the same. The merchandises are useless and expensive, the place is always crowded, and worst of all... it makes me so hungry. There are too many delicious people. This place is so sinful. Oh well. I'll just have to go along with it. Damn it.

"Language, Nessie."

"Sorry, dad", I whispered. Telepathic freak. I met my father eyes and smiled at him.

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*Emmett's POV*

Oh my God. Victoria Secret. Oh my God. Sport Stores. Oh my God. Friendship bracelets. Even though, I hated the mall, it still amazes me. I eyed the lingerie store and then at Rosalie. She rolled her eyes while mine widened with hope.

"No, Emmett."

"Rose, come on."

"No, Emmett."

I groaned and pleaded with her some more. She didn't give in.

"No, Emmett," she continued, "I'll surprise you though."

I smiled and replied, "Ok, but I get my way tonight."

"We both know how this will end, Emmett", she sighed and left with Alice and Jasper to that blissful store. I hate denial. I turned to who ever was left with me. Edward, Bella, and Nessie were there, smirking at me. Where the hell are Esme and Carlisle? Never mind.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

I want to go home. It's too much. So many delicious humans. Dad encouraged me to endure it.. but I CAN'T! There must be a distraction! I noticed dad whisper something to mama, who shook her head in disagreement. They both looked at me and then Emmett. Mama sighed in defeat.

Dad spoke first. "Emmett, do you mind taking Nessie somewhere fun?"

Emmett smiled at first but quickly frowned when he look at mama.

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*Emmett POV*

Somehow, I knew this was coming. I would end up with Nessie.... which is no problem but the distrust I get from people sucks. I looked at Bella. She didn't look happy. I really didn't want to hear her rants, so I took Nessie by the hand and turned to walk away.

"Emmett...." I turned back to Bella, who still looked pissed,"I'm warning you.."

"You look angry, Bella..... bye bye now". I smiled at her and Edward and left.

It took a while searching for an exciting place for Nessie. We stopped at Builder Bear Workshop, which instantly made me angry. I watched as her eyes lit up when she roamed the store. I sighed. I really have to get out of here. This place is scarier than me.

"UNCLE EMMETT!", Nessie squealed in excitement as she held out a furry lifeless creauture in my face.

"You found something."

"Yes, I found a teddy bear!". I froze in place. A teddy bear? No... I heard wrong.

"Teddy bear?", I asked, making sure I heard wrong. She rolled her eyes at me and giggled.

"Yes, a teddy bear," she reassured me, still giggling," you like?"

How should I tell her without hurting her feelings? I looked down at her. She waited for my answer. Her eyes wide with innocence.

"Fuck no!", I shouted, " I will not let you have a creature that attacked me in my past life!"

Nessie cringed and whimpered. I, on the other hand continued, " If it weren't for that thing in your hands, I wouldn't be here today!"

She cried. Nice one, Uncle Douchebag. I noticed people looking at us. I growled at them. Yeah, that worked.

"But I really wanted the teddy!", cried Nessie. Crap, now I felt bad. I quickly grabbed a toy dog and waved it at her.

"Look, Nessie", I said, trying to cheer her up," It's Jacob!". That didn't work.

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I hope you all enjoyed this one. I had fun writing it. And for those who love Jacob, I'm sorry I had to bash him in the end... but Don't worry, in some other chapters, I'll try to not insult him. :P


	3. Baskin Robbins

Umm wow! Hello everyone! Hehe, thank you for the reviews... I promise I won't ever complain about not getting them ever again... how childish of me. Gr. So, I must say how happy I am that this fic has a lot of attention. I didn't think it would.

The 3rd chapter is mainly about Emmett making it up to Nessie. Does it work? ENJOY!

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Chapter 3: Baskin Robbins

*Emmett's POV*

Damn it. Everyone is angry at me, for what I did to Nessie. First of all, Rosalie put me on lock down. Secondly, Edward and Bella ignore me more than ever. Thirdly, Alice doesn't joke around with me anymore while her husband won't hunt with me. Fourth, Esme and Carlisle just shake their heads in disapointment. And lastly, Nessie truly hates me. I woudn't blame her for that bear incident. There must be something I could do to fix this problem.

I leaned forwad from the couch and rested my chin on my fists. I usually do that when I'm thinking really, really, really hard. Hmm... What do little children love to do when they're upset? As I was in deep thought, Edward smirked. Damn him for interrupting me... now I have to start all over again.... what was I thinking about again? Oh yeah!! I should take Nessie out for ice-cream! Kids love that crap! She'll be so happy! I smiled in triumph. I noticed Edward smiling and getting up from his piano. He left for the garden where Nessie was helping Esme. I suppose he'll warn her about my plan.

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*Nessie's POV*

Hmf. I wanted that teddy bear so badly. Not fair. I don't care what Uncle Emmett says about it. It's not my fault he was mauled by a bear in his previous life. What does that have to do with me wanting a teddy? Absolutely nothing.

"Nessie?", my father's voice broke my train of thought.

I looked up at him. Will he buy me a teddy?

"Tomorrow I'll get you a teddy." I smiled and hugged him. He still continued speaking, "Nessie, Uncle Emmett feels very bad about yesterday."

"He should be", I said, frowning.

"Not nice," he chastised me, " he wants to make it up to you."

"How?"

"By treating you to ice-cream."

"But I don't like ice-cream."

"Cut him some slack, Nessie, please?"

I sighed. "Fine, but if something goes wrong..", I cautioned, " you're dead."

Dad chuckled and replied, " I already am."

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*Emmett's POV*

Yay! I squealed like a school girl as I started my car. I couldn't help but smile. Nessie actually agreed to give me another chance. I won't let her down. I looked behind and saw my niece pouting at me. I grinned at her and drove.

I wanted to drive a bit more faster... but I can't. The toddler in the backseat makes it very difficult. Sooner or later, I got bored, so I turned on the radio. Oh. My. God. My Boy Lollipop was playing!!! I HAVE TO SING TO THIS!!! FORGIVE ME NESSIE!! Nessie covered her ears.

_My boy Lollipop  
You make my heart go giddy-up  
You are as sweet as candy  
you're my sugar dandy_

_Oh, oh  
My boy Lollipop  
Never, ever leave me.  
Because it would grieve me.  
My heart told me so!_

_I love you, I love you, I love you so  
But I don't want you to know  
I need you, I need you, I need you so  
And I'll never let you go.._....

A couple of minutes laters...

WOAH!! That's a great song!! I looked back at Nessie. She looked shocked. I knew I had a great singing voice. I stared at the road and stopped abruptly into a parking lot.

"NESSIE, WE'RE HERE!!"

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

The horror. Oh, the horror. I very surprised he was singing. I wouldn't call it singing. It's more like screeching. I felt the car stop and heard his announcement. I looked out the window, and saw Baskin Robbins. Crap. I hate ice-cream.

As we got out of the car, he took me by the hand and headed off to the ice-cream parlor. Emmett looked down at me and asked if anything interested me. I shook my head.

"Come on, Nessie, there's gotta be something you like."

"Not really." We both sighed. Suddenly...... I decided want I wanted. He saw my expression and smiled.

"Well...", he said, "what would you like?"

I grinned wickedly and answered, "I want a small vanilla cone with gummy bears on top."

"No prob-- What?!", he shouted. He had the same facial expression in Builder Bear Workshop. I only stared at him innocently. After a few minutes, he relaxed and exhaled. He made his way to the cashier to fetch my order.

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*Emmett's POV*

Is she joking? I hate bears. Why couldn't she get another topping? Such as sprinkes, or crumbled up cookies. But NOOO! She had to go for the dreaded gummy bears! Gr.

I went up to the cashier counter and made the order. The woman serving me, accidentally gave me two vanilla cones (one covered in gummy bears). Crap, I dazzled her. I made my may towards to where Nessie was sitting. She took her ice-cream and thanked me. How can she eat that?

I looked down to my cone. What the hell?! I can't eat this treat! Goddamit. Nessie noticed me staring at my ice-cream. Then out of nowhere... the little half-breed placed a red gummy bear on top of my ice-cream. AAH!

I shuddered in horror as she laughed a sinister laugh.

"Now, Uncle Emmett", she said, "that's payback for yesterday's drama.... and for the torturous concert you've given me while driving here!"

*Groan*

She happily ate her treat. I guess we'll call it even.

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:P My cousin says hi! And he's the one that encouraged this chapter. But he doesn't want me to reveal his identity. Lalala!


	4. La Push Beach

Hi! Lol! Wow... it has been quite hard to write this cheerful story. The reason is because I just attended a funeral yesterday. At least that person is in a better place. Now!!! Happy thoughts!! And thank you again for the AWESOME reviews!!!

In this chapter Emmett wants to go to La Push

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Chapter 3: La Push Beach

*Emmett's POV*

I'm so bored now. All I ever do is watch television every morning. The rest of my family are still on with their daily routines. Edward sits by his piano, Bella does god-knows-what, Alice and Rosalie go shopping, Jasper sits in a corner reading crap, Carlisle is at the hospital, Esme always keeps her self busy with unnecessary housekeeping, and Nessie.... I don't know. Like mother like daughter.

I groaned. What should I do today? I got into my thinking position. Oh my god, I just had a Blues's Clues moment. Yeah, that kiddie show rocks...it always surprises me. I wanted Jacob to watch it with me one time.... OH CRAP!!!!

I know what I want to do today! But I needed Nessie's help.

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*Nessie's POV*

Here I am, in the middle of Esme's garden again. I sat there just staring at a butterfly, fluttering it's wings. Then a strange rustling sound came from the left direction. I turned to it, and saw a rabbit nibbling on Esme's flower bed. Oh hell no. It's ruinning Esme's good work. Something has to be done. I crouched, ready to pounce at it, but someone already beat me to the rabbit. I growled.

Emmett drained the defenseless creature and smirked at me. Why did he have to do that? That was my snack. I fought back the tears awaiting to leak from my eyes. I sniffed and hissed at him.

"Easy, Nessie, " he told me, " guess what will happen today?"

I shrugged. I'm still upset with him.

He grinned widely. " We're going to the beach and I need your help!"

"With what?"

"Jacob needs convincing.", he simply anwered, now heading back inside. I'm guessing he'll nag mama to call Jakey.

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*Emmett's POV*

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!", I begged Bella. I hope my pleading will frustrate her. It normally does.

"No Emmett!"

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please", now I'm kneeling in front her, yanking her arm like a child,"please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!"

She hastily pulled her arm away from my grip and sighed in frustration. "Fine, I'll call him."

My inner school girl burst out of me. I shrieked in delight and dance around Bella.

Less than a minute, we heard a call pull in the driveway. Jacob has arrived!!

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*Nessie's POV*

As soon as I heard a car rumble, I immediately ran back inside the house. Jakey's here!

A hideous smell caught my nose.... yep..It's him alight!! Once I saw him, I ran into his arms.

"Jakey!!", I yelled happily. Apparantly, he looked quite happy to see me.

Jacob turned to mama and asked her why he was needed here. Mama looked annoyed as she cocked her head to Emmett's direction. Emmett appears to be dancing victoriously in a corner. When he stopped, he rapidly stood in front of me and Jacob.

He looked at me first. "Back me up, Nessie."

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

I just hope this works. Jacob will do anything for Nessie. I took a deep breath as I looked at Jacob.

"Can we go to La Push?"

He scowled. "You know you can't, Emmett."

"No, I don't."

"Emmett, stop."

"I completely forgot about the treaty.... don't remind me.... Can we go?"

"You didn't forget."

"So?", I retorted. "Can we go?"

"No."

"Fine....", I sighed but then I noticed Nessie, " Nessie, can you ask?"

She seemed annoyed but she did what I asked. She took Jacob's hands in hers and pouted at him. Aww! It would be impossible to deny that. My plan was working! Oh Joy!

"Jakey?", she asked, still pouting at him. "Can we go?"

Jacob shot me a glare and then stared and Nessie. "I don't know--".

My Neice cut him off. "Please, Jakey, Uncle will behave... I promise!".

After that, the three of us left for the beach. Damn, I'm amazing..... fine.. so is Nessie, whatever.

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*Nessie's POV*

I loved the smell of the ocean. I love the how the sand feels so squishy and soft between my toes. It's such a exhilerating feeling. Jacob and Emmett were in the water. They were both splashing at each other. I can actually hear them verbally abuse each other.

"Aww, the poor doggie needs a bath." Emmett teased, "Bath time sure is fun!". He splashed a load of water at Jake's face. Surprisingly, Jacob just laughed and also splashed back at him. I rolled my eyes.

In a couple of minutes, they both joined me to build a sandcastle. I got up and told them I needed some water to make a moat. Jacob wanted to assist me but Emmett stopped him.

"Oh no, Jacob," ordered my uncle, " do what dogs do and keep digging."

Jacob growled at him.

I left and came back quickly with water. They still were bickering.

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*Emmett's POV*

"I was just joking". Oh my god. He's too touchy. Nessie came back with the water. Poor girl. I could've made Jacob fetch it. Get it? Fetch? He's a dog? Oh well... I thought it was funny. Screw you. Anyways... She spilled the pail of water around the casltle. Wow! We made magic... until I had to be a jerk and stomped all over it.

"EMMET!!", They yelled. All I did was laugh. All of a sudden I got bored again. I turned to Jacob.

"Jacob?"

"What?"

"Can we egg your house?"

"NO!"

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!"

Man was he pissed. He transformed in front of me and Nessie. There was a long pause.

"Please?"

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The next chapter will be better. :D


	5. Bedtime Story

Hey Everyone! Sorry... I've been busy being lazy. Hahaha! I hope you all enjoyed the wait. I'm running out of ideas on what else Emmett should do next.... give me some!!! OMG! You don't have to. ^^

In this chapter Emmett decides on telling Nessie some stories before she sleeps... How will it go? 0.o

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Chapter 4: Bedtime Story

*Emmett's POV*

Wow. It's has been quite a day. Jacob, Nessie, and I spent an entire day in La Push. I'm so pissed off because we couldn't egg Jacob's house. It needed to be egged... why couldn't Jacob understand that? Damn. At least we had fun.

When Nessie started to get tired, we called it a day and went home. On our way back, I immediately got bored. There's nothing great going on in the mansion. First of all, Rosalie is still a bit angry at me... so there's no way I'll be getting any tonight. Crap. What should I do now?

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

Today was fun. I'm so happy Jakey allowed Emmett in La Push..... well thanks to me. Hehe! Anyways... Too much fun makes me tired. By the time we came back home, I sat in the family room next to my mother and father. I soon was passed out.

*** Five minutes later***

I woke up and found myself in my canopy bed. My parents must have taken me back to our small cottage. I wonder if I was alone? Curious, I smoothly crept out of bed and tip-toed towards the door. My hand was on the knob, ready to turn it but was stopped by a loud thrashing sound. Okay.... I was not alone. Mama and dad were there. Gross. Why can't they keep off eachother for once in their lives? How the hell am I going to sleep through that?

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang and yells.

* * *

*EMMETT'S POV*

I was bored so I headed out to Edward's cottage. I wanted to see if he would let me borrow his volvo so I could drive to Blockbuster. My jeep was to precious to go there. Hehe. I approached the cottage and knocked on it roughly, causing it to fall forward. My jaw dropped. Woah. I broke the door.

"EMMETT!", the scream caught my attention. I looked up from the damaged door to an enraged Bella and an embarrased Edward. Oh god. They were "doing it". Bella had the covers up to her chest while her husband held it around his torso.

"Ummm.." I murmured, "Edward, can I borrow your car?"

"No. Please leave."

"Where's Nessie?"

"Sleeping", replied Bella through gritted teeth. I became appalled. How can they make all that noise when they know a child is here? How disturbing?! I can imagine the trauma they had inflicted on Nessie. Poor kid.

"She's completely unaware of this", Edward assured me. Damn that mind reader. He shot me a glare and then stiffened as he looked at Nessie's door.

I smirked and sneared, "So she was aware of it all?"

No answer. They both looked ashamed. How will Nessie go back to sleep now?

Oh my god. Idea!

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

So it was Uncle Emmett who made that banging noise. Typical. I wanted to open the door to see what was going on... but something in the back of my mind refuses to let me. I'll trust my mind for now. Daddy and mama were doing the "naughty".... and it's not my place to see that. Gross. As I listened carefully, Emmett was equally disgusted as I was.

Well..this is just wonderful! How am I going to go back to sleep?! It's impossible to rest with these vampires! Ugh!

I left the door alone and crawled back on my bed. At that moment, there was a soft knock.

"Nessie?", whispered Emmett softly. I told him to come in. He sat carefully at the foot of my bed and smiled at me. I returned the gesture.

"What is it, Uncle Emmett?"

He shrugged. "Your father gave me permission to tell you a bedtime story."

I sighed in relief. Hopefully, I would fall asleep. Maybe his stories will be boring.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

Yes! Something to do! Nessie's going to love my story!

I paused for a moment. I was getting ready to come up with an awesome begining. Nessie sits across from me, staring with wide eyes.

Here it goes.

"Okay... Once upon a time, there lived a rooster by the name of Aquafina. Nessie, no interupting... it's my story. I could name it anything I want. Anyways.... Aquafina was a very gifted rooster. He loved painting things that are pointless. His art work included Edward and Bella doing the nasty. Just kidding, Nessie, don't get pissy. Truthfully, they were only about nature and crap. Since it's my story, his best art work was me modeling an apple on my head.

"Ummm.... Aquafina was very content with his talent until one day something weird and crappy happened. It all happened when Aquafina was finally adding the finishing touches on this grand work. He managed to add another large figure stick next to a smaller one, just when Yogi the Bear and his midget friend Boo Boo stumbled in. Aquafina was very angry with their intrusion."

Boo Boo, as always nags,"Yogi, he doesn't seem hospitable."

Yogi glares at him and yells, "Shut the f**ck up, Boo Boo!!"

"Aquafina didn't like that. So, he transformed into Pikachu and sliced them with something sharp. "

I stopped the story and noticed Nessie had fallen asleep. What?! I shot to my feet and went over to her. I shook her until she was wide awake.

"What?", she grumbled.

"Why did you sleep?", I demanded.

"I thought it was a bedtime story."

"It is.... wake up, I wasn't done!"

I cleared my throat (As if there's something to clear) and got back to my story.

"After Aquafina killed the stupid bears, he went back to his art. It was definitely the best art work EVER.. The end."

I grinned at my niece. I was very pleased with myself. Now she can sleep in peace.

* * *

Sorry this took so long.


	6. Bath Time!

Hey Everyone! 11 reviews already?! Wow! I'm so thrilled! Thank you for it! Remember when they went to Baskin Robbins? Well... the song Emmett was singing to was called "My Boy Lollipop" By Millie Smalls. Some of you may remember it being played in Spice World. Such an old song! It was made in the 60s. In this chapter, Nessie needs a bath! Enjoy! And I'm sorry I kept you all waiting... but I wanted to post this chapter at this specific date.. because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! Yay!! I can't believe I'm 20 already! Oh well... Enjoy!

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Chapter 6: BATH TIME!

*Emmett's POV*

It's 9:30 in the morning and I feel great! Why is that, you ask? Well.. it's because I told my niece a bedtime story, purely out of the goodness of my non-existing heart. Rosalie found out and later on, she gave me what "good boys" deserve. Oh yeah... I finally got some last time... about time.

I'm in a good mood today. I feel like I could do anything! Wait..... I can! Here I am, laying in bed which is located in my and Rosie's room. There's a big smile on my face as I think about my Rosie. Last night was great. The smile disapeared from my face when I discover that she was nowhere to be found. I got off the bed, threw on some clothes, and headed out.

"Oh Rosie?", I said, hoping she would playfully reply. But... she didn't. I found her in the family room with the rest of the vampires. All except for Bella, Edward, Esme, and Carlisle. Damn it. Nothing else will happen. Now what?

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

I slept unusually well last night... apart from that horrible bedtime story. Who would name a rooster Aquafina? I sighed. Only Uncle Emmett would.

So anyways, I woke up this morning. The sun was shining, and I put on a happy face ( Destiny's Child Lyric, lol). This day won't disapoint me. I heard the door open, and my mother came in full view. I sat up straight, and smiled at her.

She returned the smile and spoke. "Hey Nessie."

"Good morning, mama."

"Sorry about yesterday."

I smirked and decided to toy with her a bit. "Don't do it again."

She playfully ruffled my hair and scooped me up in her hard cold arms.

"Come on, Nessie, bath time."

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

I sat next to Rosie with my head on her lap. I kept batting my eyes while also flashing a wide smile that enhances my dimples. She loved my dimples.. there's no way she could resist me. She leaned towards my face and planted a sweet kiss on them.

"That's disgusting." I heard Jasper mutter.

I chuckled. Once my lips caught Rosie's, I also muttered back, "Hearing you and that pixie playing "cowboy" is disgusting."

Rosie smiled against my lips while both Alice and Jasper left. The make-out session has begun! That is... until we heard Bella and Nessie intrude. We broke apart because we didn't want to ruin Nessie's innocence...(what ever)

Bella sighed in annoyance at us. In return I smirked at her.

I felt very witty and made a comment. "Oh please, you and Edward are much worse."

She growled in response. Nessie on the other hand, released herself from her mother's arms and ran to sit with us.

"I'm gonna bathe soon", she piped up as she plopped next to Rosalie.

"Bathe", I scoffed, "you don't look so dirty."

"Umm."

Oh my f**cking god! I know what to do! It includes mud!!

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

This is just terrific. Very terrific. Me and Auntie Rosalie had to watch Mama and Emmett verbally abuse each other. Somehow, I have a crazy feeling that my uncle will win. I'm silently rooting for him... I don't feel or look dirty at all.

"I'm not letting you do it, Emmett!"

"Look at her, Bella, she's not that filthy!"

"She's my daughter, and I say she needs a bath!"

"She's my niece, and I say she needs a bath after we play in the mud!"

"That'll be even worse!"

"No!"

"How so, Emmett?"

Emmett threw his hands up in frustration and shrugged.

"Thought so", Mama said, proud of herself. Before anyone could even blink, Emmett rapidly grabbed me and rushed out of the mansion.

* * *

*EMMETT's POV*

Good. We escaped the clutches of Bella, the dragon. Wow, how can Edward deal with her? Oh well... she completes him. Whatever.

Nessie and I were now outside. We're going to have so much fun! I could feel my inner school-girl doing cart-wheels. I looked over at Nessie, who was also staring back at me.

"Now what?", she asked.

I grinned at her and cocked my head to where a big pile of brown mush was.

Her eyes widened in excitement. She jump away from my grasp and ran into the mud. Pitiful as it may seem... I happily joined her.

***2 hours Later***

Wow! That was fun! Nessie and I headed back to the mansion. I spotted the fuming dragon, crossing her arms and tapping her feet. I didn't care.

"See, Bella?" I said as I held out Nessie to her. "I made sure she's dirty.... Have fun bathing her!"

* * *

T"S MY BIRTHDAY!! YAY!!


	7. Bath Time Part 2!

Hey Everyone! Thank you for all of your support... on my special day YAY!! And for the awesome reviews! Thank you so much!!! And.... I SAW NEW MOON... It was great!! I loved the Victoria scenes. She was totally kick ass!! Alice was also awesome :D

And so.... I decided to write part 2 of the Bath time.... because a reviewer left out a good point. (CoughLovemymonkeymanCough) :P

I hope you enjoy this one. *Hopefully*

* * *

Chapter 7: BATH TIME PART 2!

*Nessie's POV*

Uncle Emmett held me out to mama, who looked absolutely outraged. I mean.. who could blame her... I would be pissed off too. I was in a messy state due to my uncle's absurd idea.

Mama stood in front of us. Her arms folded with a horrying glare.

"From the looks of this", she hissed, " there is no way I would be giving her a bath."

I felt Emmett tense up.

"What?!", he yelled, "She's dirty now... it makes sense to get her clean!"

Mama cunningly smiled. She had something planned.

"I didn't say she won't bathe.... you will be the one to do it for me, Emmett."

"No, no, no... you're the mother.. your responsibility."

"I may be her mother, but it is you that got her this way."

"Damn", groaned Emmett as mama laughed in triumph. He turned me over to look at me. He made a face as if something smelled bad.

"It's your fault, Emmett", I teased.

* * *

*Emmett POV*

Terrific. Just terrific. I always get myself in these unpleasant situations. I feel like Bella when she was a human. Ugh... so prone to the unpleasantness. Goddamit.

Anyways...... Here I am, carrying a filthy little girl to the nearest bathroom. Hang on a minute.. I'm also filthy! As soon as my right foot landed on those shiny tiles, I paused. A smiled crept unto my face. Idea.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

"Emmett!", I shouted. He totally ignored the bathroom and turned to the opposite direction.

He ignored me and still kept on walking. What was he thinking? If only my telepathical freak of a father were here...

"Emmett, the bathroom is back that way!"

He smirked.

"I'm serious, mama is going to kill you!"

Like he cared. He continued on walking until we were outside again. He put me down and staggered over to where Esme's flowers resided. I was very curious this time. What does he have planned? The only thing I knew is that it's going to get us in more trouble.

He finally came up to me with a gardening hose in his hands. Wow. Is this his idea of a bath?

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

Oh yeah. I'm the man. This is officially the best idea that I've ever had. And I didn't give a damn if it'll get me in deep shit later. I only want to have fun! As much as I could remember.. I don't think I've had much fun since I was a little gir.. UMMM *Ahem* I mean... since I was human. Hehe. Wow, I just insulted myself.

"Nessie?"

"Emmett, this is a bad idea", she warned me, "and you know it."

"Frankly, my dear neice", I scoffed, "I don't give a damn."

She crossed her little arms and scowled at me.

I sighed in annoyance, "If it makes you feel any better, I'll run back and get a pointless bar of soap, ok?"

"I'll only feel better if we don't do this at all."

I didn't listen. I responded by spraying her with the hose. Hehe! She looks so pissed off. It's funny. She quickly snatched the hose from my hand and also sprayed some at me.

We spent the rest of the day battling with the hose.... Until.....

"EMMETT!"

Oh crap. Esme. She was running towards every part of her ruined garden. Shit.

"MY PETUNIAS!!!"

"Esme, relax... "

"MY ROSES!!!"

"Esme.. those roses smelled horrible..."

"MY CHRYSANTHEMUMS!!!!"

"Chrys-- what?"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, EMMETT?!!"

"I finally gave Nessie a bath... just like Bella wanted." Oh yeah... this wasn't only my fault.

* * *

NEW MOON!! Oh yeah... Eclipse will be released in the summer of 2010!! FYI! And thank you!


	8. La Carnival!

Hey my lovely readers!!! And HAPPY BE-LATED BIRTHDAY TO MIDNIGHT-LADY!!!!! YAY!! I really don't have much to say but..... thanks so much for the support and love from all of you for making it possible for me to continue these random ass stories. Hehe *tear* Wow. That was quite dramatic. So anyways.... Emmett has something planned in this chapter. Just bare it. *hint hint*

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 8: La Carnival!!

*Nessie POV*

I finally took a bath! I hated it. It took a long time, all thanks to my goofy Uncle Emmett. If we hadn't played in the mud, my bath would have been very simple. I was covered in brown muck from head-to-toe! Dear Lord! I feel so sorry for Grandma.

So anyways... mama and Uncle Emmett are repairing Esme's ruined garden. I would've help, but mama was afraid I'd get dirty... for the second time.

Here I am. In the family room. Just sitting there with my father. Ugh. I'm so bored.

As I continued on ranting about my boredom, mama and Uncle Emmett stumbled in. He looked quite happy while she was the opposite. Surely in his child-like mind, he has plans. Oh dear.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

"HI GUYS!!", I exclaimed. I flashed them all my best goofy grin. Oh man, today is going to be great. I can feel it!

"What's on your mind, Emmett?", asked Bella, eyeing me suspiciously. Hmm, some people need to loosen up. Apparently, she's still too upset with me since the bath crap. Hey! I was doing her a favor. She should be proud. Yeah..

I replied, " Umm... are you three willing to have fun today?!"

Nessie squealed in delight, Edward raised his eyebrows as he smiled lopsidedly, and Bella rolled her eyes.

I carried on, " There's a carnival today at 4:30."

Again with the delightful squeals. At least Nessie loves to have fun.

"You better not try anything funny, Emmett", warned Bella. Oh, come on! Get over it!! What happened earlier was nothing. I just don't understand why she's still pissed. Goddamit.

"I will be on my best behavior", I promised. Edward rolled his eyes. He might have noticed me crossing my fingers.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

It took some time for mama to finally go along with Emmett's suggestion for the carnival. Daddy assured her that it was the only way Emmett can make up for her and Esme. I thought it was a nice gesture.... and also a great way to not be so bored.

So.... all of us vamps made it to the carnival. Carlisle went off somewhere to win Esme a prize. Alice kept distracting Jasper so he wouldn't pounce on every human he sees. Emmett excedingly tries to hover over Rosalie, as if to hide her from the rest of the hormonal human males. I was walking hand in hand with my parents.

"For goodness' sake! ," yelled Rosalie in annoyance as Emmett continued on hovering all over her. "Enough, Emmett!"

"I don't like how they're staring at you.... like you're something to eat."

"Emmett, I can take care of myself", she retorted. But Unfortunatly, Emmett doesn't care.

"Trust me... you can't... remember that unpleasant evening in Rochester, 1933?"

Leave it to Uncle Emmett to mess things up. Rosalie withdrew herself from her husband. As she turned to leave, she said her last words to him, "You can definitely forget about tonight.... and every other night!" And she was gone.

"Shit, I was kidding", groaned Emmett. He turned to who ever was left with him which were me, Mama, and Daddy.

We couldn't sympathize with him. All we did was stare disapprovingly at him.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

I screwed up. I f**cked things up... AGAIN! I was only joking. I just didn't like the way the other men were staring at her. It sickens me. Especially the old man with no teeth.... he kept giving me the thumbs up. Gross! Who does he think he is? And just when Rose left... the toothless bastard trailed after her. I'd kick his ass...but... you know... I can't.... because I'm already in deep shit.

So anyways... I turned to Bella, Edward, and Nessie. All three of them are throwing me that stupid ass disapointed look again. Ugh. I guess my joking around went too far, and now everyone is mad at me. What do I do now?

"Ooooh!!!!", squealed Nessie. She was jumping up and down and pointing at something very intriguing. Me and her parents looked to where she was signaling. It turns out that her interest was in a giant bear dangling nearby a red tent. On the tent, it read "HOT DOGS CONTESTS".

My non-existing stomach began to churn in a horrible way. If there was a need to beg for forgiveness, then I shall do what makes me f**cked up and unhappy. To make matters worse, a small stubby guy kept announcing that the stupid contest will start in 10 minutes. He started skimming through the wandering crowd.... I took the liberty of hiding behind Bella. Her long dark hair would protect me.

"HEY MR.!!!", yelled Nessie, " MY UNCLE EMMETT WOULD LOVE TO COMPETE!!!!

Geesh. Thank you, Nessie. The fat man looked over my direction. I tried covering my entire head with Bella's long locks. Bella, the fire-breather, pushed me away ... so I hid behind Edward, who was laughing.

"HE'S THE BIG MONKEY MAN... HIDING!"

Damn. Busted. Because of Nessie, the fatty found me.

"Hey you!", he called, "You look like you can handle a vast amount of meat!"

I looked down at Nessie and mouthed "You're so bad" and then at the man. I shook my head at him with a polite smile. Well.. he didn't seem convinced.

"Come on, and win a prize for your niece!", He added. I didn't want to appear like a jerk, so I went along with it. Due to my volunteering, there was a sudden wave of cheers. From all of that, I can make out Nessie's voice yelling that I should win her that god-forsaken teddy-bear. The hell.

***** 10 minutes*****

Here I am. Competing with three other engorged men. All of us consuming as much hot dogs as possible. Oh god... I can feel them making a mess in my tummy... I'm going to have a hard time getting rid of it. Ugh. Nessie is going to pay for this. UGH!! How many more do I have to eat?!!

Thankfully, the buzzer rang, ending the competition. Finally... this was torture.

As I gazed at the crowd, I noticed that all of my family were there... laughing at me. How lovely? How f**cking lovely?

Soon enough, the fat man, surveyed all of the competitors' plates to trace the amount of hot dogs eaten. He looked at my plate, which contained a half bitten hot dog. From the look on his face, he has found a winner. I sighed in contentment.

He anounced, "And the winner is....."

The crowd goes silent.

"THE MONKEY MAN!!!"

The Crowd cheers. F**cking right.... I won!

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

YAY!!!! I got my huge teddy!!! As soon as the winner was anounced, I rapidly pounced on Emmett. Oh my god, he's so awesome.... and I don't even have to repay him. YES!

While my family and I waited for Emmett to vomit the 56 hot dogs, I was deciding on what to name my brand new stuffed toy. When my uncle finally finished, I had chosen the perfect name.

"So...", said Emmett, as he threw his arm over Rosalie. I guess she forgave him. "What's the beast's name, Nessie?"

I proudly responded, "His name is Emmett."

Horrified as he is, he dropped to his knees and screamed damnation to the heavens.

* * *

END!! I'm sorry again for bashing Rosalie, I love her and I feel bad for what happened to her.... but I just wanted Emmett to feel a bit over-protective for his woman. I really hope you enjoyed this one.... I had a bit of a struggle.


	9. Toys R Us

HEY EVERYONE!!! I haven't been busy at all... honestly.. I was lazy. Hell yes. I'm not proud of it because you all have been wondering and anxious for this next chapter. Therefore, I'm sorry.

Ok...... in this chapter Emmett does something very mean that had landed him in a world of TOYS!! YAY!!

* * *

Chapter 9: Toys "R" Us

*Emmett's POV*

I still can't believe I ate over a million hot dogs...well, I'm just exaggering, it was actually 51. Hehe. So... OH! And I still can't believe Nessie named that fucking toy bear Emmett! The NERVE!!

Just to let you all know.. when she was asleep, I snuck the bear from her and ripped it to shreds. I was so glad that noone was there to witness that... or so I thought.

"Oooh!", exclaimed a very high delicate voice out of nowhere. I turned around, to spot little Alice, shaking her head at me.

"You know you're not getting away with this, don't you, Emmett?"

"No, duh."

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

I was fighting off the enormous, gassy, pirate with the help of Emmett Jr. We were awesome! Especially him. Emmett Jr. is very tough for a delicate toy animal. He knew how to fight amazingly. We were about to finish the pirate off just when Emmett Jr. began to disappear into thin air. I abruptly awoke as he vanished. I noticed that the toy bear was no longer under my arms. I panicked!

I jumped up to my feet and saw Emmett and Alice glaring at each other. I wonder why? I looked down at Emmett's feet and gawked at the pieces of furry limbs and puffy white substances scattered everywhere. When the bear's severed head caught my eyes, I felt my heart sink.

"EMMETT JR... PORQUE?!!!", I cried, as I rushed over to its head and held it to my chest. Who could've done this? Who could've commit such a horrific crime?

"Nessie, who taught you Chinese?"

Nevermind. I knew who did it. I dropped the head and attacked my idiot uncle.

"IT'S SPANISH, YOU MURDERER!!", I snarled. I kept hitting him on the head while ignoring the stinging pain on my hands, and his booming laughter.

He easily grabbed me by the foot and had me upside down.

Alice walked over to us and jumped to smack Emmett, hard on the shoulder. He winced and placed me down on the floor.

Alice bent over to me and softly stroked my flushed cheeks and said, "Don't worry, Nessie, Emmett and I will get you a new toy."

That didn't make me feel better at all. I scowled in response.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

Why do I always mess things up? Oh....wait... the answer was because I enjoyed it. Hahaha. So here we all were, me, Alice, and Nessie on our way to Toys "R" Us. Who would've have known that this tiny porshe had room for a giant like me? Seriously, dude, who knew?

Alice was driving and had persuaded me to sit in the passenger seat because she feels that I might screw up something in the back. I told her earlier, either way I can mess up anything. Bye bye porshe!

"Okay", the pixie piped up, "We're here!". We pulled up to the parking lot and headed to the marvelous toy infested building.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

I opened the doors and inhaled the glorious scent of this amazing toy store. After exhaling, I ran throughout the store, brushing my fingers tips on every toy I see. As I was running, I heard heavy footsteps, thudding rapidly behind me and also a slap.

It turns out that Emmett too was under the influence of joyness like I am. Alice seemed aware of his happiness and slapped the back of his head.

"Emmett, you're a grown man", she scolded, "act like it."

"Aww, come on!"

"No, Emmett."

"But it's Toys "R" Us... you're supposed to behave like a child on meds!"

Alice simply smiled and walked away. Emmett continued on with his childish activities.

I started skimming throught all isles for a specific exciting toy. I came to a halt as I found the pink girly section. My heart started pounding in joy.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

I growled at a small boy who tried to snatch the toy dog away from my hands.

"No fair, mister, you're too old!"

"I'm not old.... they're collecter's item!"

"It's a stuffed animal."

"Listen, little man.... I'm trying to play here and I would appreciate it if you won't disturb me", I warned him as I clutched the toy to my chest and hissed at the kid. That's right. He ran away. Satisfied by claiming peace, I turned back to play. Wait... something wasn't right. Oh! Yeah! In order for this to work, I need a wig!

I ran to the Barbie section and yanked a fake Hannah Montana wig from racks. I put on the wig and held up the toy dog.

"Oh, Jacob, I love you!", I cooed in my best high pitched Nessie voice.

"Ahem." I quickly turned around. There stood Alice and Nessie, gawking at me as if I had three heads. They weren't the only ones staring...infact there were a couple of toy shoppers scrutinizing my behavior. One of the mothers covered her young daughter's eyes and hurridly walked away muttering "He's just ruined my child's innocence."

I took the wig off and put it back where I found it. God, how embarrasing.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

Ummm...ok? I think Emmett is having too much fun here, so I'm going to grab a toy and leave as soon as possible. But what toy should I take? There's so much toys! Ugh.

"How about an easybake?", suggested Alice. I thought about it, but I didn't feel like cooking pointless crap.

"How about a Barbie doll?", Emmett asked. Hmm.... I love them, but Rosalie throws them away because their beauty threatens her.

"Tinkerbell?"

"Alice, she already has you...there is no need to have another shorty in the house."

Slap.

I giggled a bit. My eyes began to wonder through the shelves and racks. I knew what I wanted.

***********20 minutes later***********

"THANK YOU, AUNTIE ALICE", I shouted in gratitude as I pecked her cheek with a kiss. I got off her and walked to my new tea party set. It contained everything! The table, the chairs, and everything!

I sat daintly on one of them and poured hot tea for me and for my other tea friends.

"Would you care for some sugar, Mr. Emmett Jr. II?", I asked the toy bear on right side. I made him nod his head and say "Yes, please." He's so polite.

"How are you feeling today, Jakey?", I asked Jacob, as I poured tea in his cup.

He raised the cup to his face and replied, "It's been utterly ravishing." I laughed in a polite manner.

"Would you like some more tea, Uncle Em--mean Aunt Emma?", I asked him, trying to hold back a hysterical laugh. In order for him to beg for my forgiveness, I made Emmett dress up in the most formal tea party attire.... the flowered hat included. I aslo made him sit across Mr. Emmett Jr. II..just to torture him. I'm evil.

In his best high pitched voice, "Yes, please.... I'll have some more and I'll drink it this time."

* * *

WOOT!!


	10. The Park

LOL! HEY! So, If this hasn't been updated in a while... it usually is due to my laziness. That's always my excuse. So deal with it. Nyan! Oh.... and Hapyy late xmas and late new years.... and I'm so totally devasted about Haiti's disaster. As soon as the breaking news occured... omg my heart my pounding. This was the first disaster of 2010. Shit. How awful.

So, in this chapter, Emmett, Nessie, and Jacob go to the park. Will it go well?

* * *

Chapter 10: The Park

*Emmett's POV*

I don't understand. This is so hard. How do I put the goddam needle in the thread. I heard someone smirk behind me.

"You're supposed to put the thread in the needle, genius." Ugh Edward. I should've known that mind-reader is always lurking about. Why did I ever agree to help Alice design dresses? I must've have been on something. Damn.

"Are you done, Emmett?", asked Alice. I looked up from my work to her. I held up my so called progress and she rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, Emmett......"

"What do you want me to do, Alice?!"

"What kind of a vampire are you? I told you to start sowing three hours ago!"

"I would've started if the goddam needle hole weren't so goddam small", I muttered, still struggling.

"It's not that small, Emmett... it's just your brain", she joked.

"Hey that just fu--", I was cut off as I finally had the thread through the needle. I squealed like a little girl after receiving a Barbie Dream House for Christmas.

"I GOT IT!", I shouted so the whole house could hear me. I felt great. With my new accomplishment, I started to work on sowing but Alice refused to let me.

"You know.... it's best if you don't." She took my needle away began taking my place.

"Aww...but I'm so bored!" I whined. I had nothing else to do.

"Go play with Rose", she suggested. That would've been a great a idea, if she weren't hunting with Esme and Carlisle. I walked to the family room, and sat on the couch across the awesome flat screen T.V. I turned it on, and flipped through the channels. Nothing was on. Damn it.

I felt a small tap on my left shoulder. I looked over to the my left and saw a grinning Nessie.

"Hey kiddo!", I greeted her, "I didn't see you there."

She leaned over to rest her head on the arm of the chair.

"That's because you were too busy gawking at the screen", she explained. I scowled. Wow.

"Are you ever going to take a break from this mind-eating device?", she asked. Nessie's right, everytime I don't have anything else to do, I always watch T.V. It's a bit annoying really. Hehe, I just had a great idea! I jumped off the couch until I heard something shatter. Well, that takes care of my television problems. I had to get out of here, before Esme bites my head off.

I grabbed Nessie, and threw her over my shoulder and made a run for it. As we headed out, Alice, Edward, Jasper, and Bella threw us a confused look.

"Nessie and I are going for some fresh air, BYE!", I shouted.

A day at the park, oh how exciting!

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

We made it to the park very quick. There were two reasons why were here. Reason number one was that he was bored, and number two was to escape the future fury of Esme. Well, there is no escaping it.. she's still going to find out anyaways.

"NESSIE, I FORGOT SOMETHING!", he shouted.

I shrugged.

"WE NEED JACOB!"

"Why?", I asked slightly confused. He's going on about something. I don't like this.

"HE HAS FRISBEES, GET IN THE CAR NOW!". I did as he said. He drove to the Quileute region, but tried not to cross over the border. We got out of the car, and he beckoned me closer to him.

"Listen, Nessie, you must howl at him", he instructed. I tried to ask why but he still went on, "Just howl, Nessie, the importance of our fun depends on you."

"How do you know he'll hear me, Emmett?" I rolled my eyes at his stupidity. Honestly, this guy is too much. It's all just fun and games with him.

"I can hear him peeing nearby....go on and howl!". Before I could say anything, Emmett rushed into his car and drove off not too far from where I stood.

I stepped into the forest as Emmett told me to do. I walked even further until I couldn't be able to see Emmett's jeep.

"GO FURTHER!" I heard my idiot uncle yell. I groaned in annoyance and kept on walking. Ugh, how far?

"GO BACK A BIT...I CAN'T SEE YOU!"

I stepped back four spaces.

"MOVE UP ONE MORE!"

I moved once, and threw my hands up in frustration.

"PERFECT...DON'T GIVE ME THAT ATTITUDE, LITTLE LADY....NOW HOWL....HURRY!!"

I can't believe I'm actually going to do this. I brought my hands to my mouth and left out a high-pitched howl. Nothing happened.

"TRY AGAIN...THAT WAS HORRIBLE!"

Ugh, Fine, I thought. I howled again and caught a glimpse of russet fur dashing through the trees.

Furry Jacob stopped in front of me and gave me a questioning look.

"It's Emmett's fault....not mine", I told him, jerking my head to Emmett's direction.

He grumbled as if to ask "What the hell does he want now?"

"He wanted to know if you you'll hang out with us in the park." I anwered him. Before he could say or growl something back, Jacob ran behind the nearby bushes.

In a few minutes, the human Jake, stepped out and smiled at me.

"Sure, I'd be happy to go", he said, adjusting his white t-shirt. I took his hand and led him out of the forest, into the grinning face of my idiot uncle.

"I have great news, Nessie!", he exclaimed in delight.

Jakey and I exchanged looks.

"I found a frisbee in the trunk...so we don't really need Jakey after all!"

"I hate you, Emmett", I hissed, eyeing him with pure eveil. I felt bad for Jacob...he seemed very pleased that we invited him with us, but now he's no longer needed.

"I'm just kidding, he could come...sheesh..", Emmett joked, and he left to start the jeep, muttering, "Some people can't take a freaking joke."

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

So....me, Nessie, and our pet dog drove back to the park. I tried to ignore the rotten scent Jacob was giving off..... but then I realized there was a bottle of febreeze in the backseat. Halleluyah.

I was the first one out of the jeep. I was prancing, skipping, and twirling like a joyous ballerina on crack. I loved the wide open spaces....and fresh air.

"Oh how marvelous!", I shouted, still twirling and then fell back a bed of daisies, "Nessie, Jakey....COME HITHER!"

"No, we'll pass", Nessie said. Wow, she's just like her mother..... fun ruiner. Ugh.

I got up, and joined Jacob and Nessie on their game of frisbee. We pretty much were having a great time, until I, on purpose, threw the plastic at Jake and yelled at him to go fetch. He got pissed. I really didn't feel like watching him transform so I went to get the lost frisbee alone.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

Emmett went off to retrieve the frisbee. Jake and I waited for his return but he was taking a very long time.

"I swear," began Jacob, "your uncle is something special."

"I know..... it sucks", I said. An hour went by and Emmett still hasn't returned. We began to get worried, so we went searching for him.

"EMMETT!", Jake and I shouted, as we looked behind the trees, bushes, and other parts of the park. We kept on calling him until a scream came out of nowhere. It sounded like a little girl. Our eyes went wide in fear. Oh no... when was the last time Emmett fed?

We followed the screams into the woods until the park was no longer to be seen. I began to worry about the little girl.... she sounded like she was in pain. I prayed nothing horrible had happened. Oh my god, Emmett what have you done?

We finally reached where the screams were coming from. From the looks of everything.... nothing seemed bloody nor disastrous. It was pretty normal.... well.... except for the birds trembling in fear in their nests. Their little beady eyes were all staring up at something. I followed their gaze and relief swept through me.

Uncle Emmett was wailing at the top of his lungs, up in a tree. He was clutching the lost frisbee while hugging the poor tree for dear life. Wow, umm... how strange?

"OH MY GOD, NESSIE, JAKEY", He wailed, "I'M SCARED!"

Jacob rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief, I on the other hand, smirked.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!", he cried, now crushing the tree with his fierce embrace.

"Why on earth are you up there?", Jake asked him, still looking at him in disbelief.

Emmett's bottom lip quivered slightly, and he pointed somewhere down on the ground.

"There's a roach down there..ew." He muttered, shivering in disgust. Is he serious? Jacob and I laughed as we searched for the puny little insect. Nothing was there, which made us both laugh even harder.

"There's nothing there, you can come down", I assured Emmett. He looked like he didn't believe me.

"Are you sure?", he asked. His hold on the tree began to loosen.

"Yes", Jake and I responded in unusion.

"Okay", said a now relieved Emmett, "I'm coming down now."

With that, he certainly did jumped off the poor tree and hugged us very tightly. He thanked us for saving his life. How pathetic.

* * *

:/


	11. Best Buy

Wow, thats a long wait. Hehe. Enjoy this chapter. Thank you all!

* * *

Chapter 11: Best Buys

*Emmett's POV*

Nessie and I returned home from our random adventure in the park. Um..it would've been so awesome if the goddamn roach hadn't spoiled everything. Shit! Therefore, I didn't enjoy myself that much.

The rest of the vamps were in the f**cking family room watching nothing because I'd broken the T.V. earlier. As soon we arrived, Esme was on the prowl. She tackled me through the front door....literally and had me in a powerful headlock.

"Why, Emmett, why?!"she yelled as she shook me furiously. Aww, how motherly of her? I rolled my eyes.

"Umm..because?" I answered, trying to be witty, just to lighten the mood.

"The television is damaged and I missed the Tyra Show!" she hissed. Shit. She usually laughed at my wit. Wait... hang on....DAMN THAT JASPER!

"Jesus Christ, Esme, calm down.... there are other televisions all over the house!" I reasoned with her. I released myself from her arms, only to smirk at how infuriated she looked.

"Tyra is meant to be watched in the family room!"she growled, clenching her fists.

"Ooookay?"

"Look, Emmett," she said, pointing at the doorless front of the mansion. "You made me break the door."

I scoffed. She, however, continued on scolding me.

"I just lost a television and a door because of you." She sniffed and began to fan herself with her hand. "How am I going to keep my family safe if there isn't a door, Emmett?"

She's kidding. We're effing vampires! I tried to interrupt but she cut me off.

"How will I keep up with Tyra now that the T.V. is gone?" She sobbed. She stopped fanning herself, and turned away from me with her hands covering her face. She's pretending. Crap, I hate it when she does that. She pretends to cry to make me feel bad. I think Alice had a bad influence on her. DAMN THAT PIXIE!

I sighed. "I guess I'll go buy you crap now."

With that, Esme stopped fake-crying and gave me a motherly hug.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

Once me and Emmett made it to the front entrance of the house, I felt two arms whisk me away from my uncle's side. That's when I realized, my grandmother is angry.... very angry. My mother held me tight to her chest just in case Esme's fury goes awry.

Me, momma, daddy, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice stood in front of the nearby glass window, watching Esme man-handle Emmett. It wasn't in my grandmother's nature to behave this way, but when it comes to her favorite show.... Emmett has crossed the line.

"He deserves it." I heard Uncle Jasper say to Auntie Alice. "I'll make sure she doesn't go easy on him."

Uh oh...mood control time. We all sniggered. It felt great to finally punish Emmett.

"He's going to know it's you, Jasper." said daddy, "Ummm never mind he knows now...wow, he actually caught on quick for the first time ever."

We continued watching. Emmett freed himself from Esme's hold only to argue about a popular ex-model/talk show host. What's the deal with her anyways?

"I don't know", answered my father, "but that's what keeps Esme sane."

"Silence, Edward" said a smiling Carlisle," That's not true."

In over a few minutes, Emmett and Esme joined us in the family room. Esme seemed to be back to her usual gentle self while Emmett wore a frown.

"Who wants to come with me to Best Buy?" he grumbled. No one said anything. "Come on, who wants to go with me?"

"Oh my god!", exclaimed Rosalie slapping her hand to her forehead, "I forgot Alice and I had a thing to do, sorry." She and Alice were the first to leave. Followed by Jasper, who claimed he had to do more reading. Then daddy left out without any explanation. Carlisle had to go back to the hospital. Esme left for her garden. Me and momma were the only two left.

"So I guess, you two are stuck with me." Emmett grinned, as he started twirling his car keys. Momma groaned as the three of us made it outside in an instant.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

The three of us were on the road to the most amazing house of technology ever to exist on the face of the earth..... but I wasn't so enthused to give into Esme's plea.

I was driving until the red light signal came up. I looked outside my window and noticed a gray mini-van, decorated with football crap. I'm a huge fan of the sport but when it comes to teams.... I'm a Giants fan!

But.... the driver wasn't...so that's what annoyed me most. He was a freaking Cowboys fan. Ugh. Without even thinking I yelled, "COWBOYS SUCK!"

"Ummm..Emmet?"Bella said, shaking her head at me as if I'm an idiot.

"What?"

"Did you intend on having a fight?"

"No, why?"

"Oh, because the window was open and the guy is deciding come face you right now."

"Really?" I asked Bella, who nodded. Shit. I could have sworn the window was closed. Crap, crap, crap. My eyes stayed fixed on the traffic light, just begging it to hurry up and turn green.

I heard the "Cowboy" fan open his door. Before he could get out, the light changed and I drove off.

I sighed in relief when we made it to our destination.

* * *

*Nessie's POV*

Emmett pulled into the back of Best Buys to find a parking that's appropriate for him.

I stared at my mother in the passenger side mirror. She caught me staring and gave me a loving smile.

Our mother-to-daughter moment was short-lived as soon as my idiot uncle yelled, "AHA! Found one!"

Momentarily, we got out of the jeep and walked to the store.

"Hey, welcome to Best Buys." greeted some guy near the doorway. We thanked him, and continued on walking until Emmett went off in another direction.

I tugged at momma's hand so we could go search for something that interested me. As we made it to the music section, a loud ear-splitting roar distracted us.

I heard momma exhale in annoyance. Surely, it had to be Emmett doing something that's not correct to do.

"Crap." groaned momma, as she grabbed my hand and stirred me away from what I wanted. We headed off to where the booming roars were.

Finally, we saw him. Uncle Emmett was drumming on his hard chest , sort of like George of the Jungle, and roaring at the top of his lungs. He was standing next a small pudgy man in front of an largely impressive flat screen plasma t.v. Momma and I exchanged glances at each other and then stared back at him.

"Emmett, what are you doing?" hissed momma, now walking to his direction.

"CLAIMING WHAT IS MINE!!" he shouted, still beating his chest. Apparently, he and the other man both want the flat screen.... and Emmett was going to make sure he was going to get it.

There were so many people looking at us. I put a hand to my face in shame. This lunatic was my uncle.

"Sir, is there a problem?" asked a female employee named Deb. Emmett stopped drumming and looked at her.

"Yes." He points at the small man next to him, who looked taken back.

"Sir, this is just a display".

Emmett gasps and then slowly raises his hands to the screen and carefully strokes it as if it's the most precious thing ever.

* * *

*Emmett's POV*

As I caressed the beautiful flat screen... I could imagine all of the things I could do with it. Oh the wonders! I closed my eyes and pictured me, Rose, and the new t.v running happily in a field of daisies and violets.

"Sir?" Crap. I forgot I wasn't alone here. I opened my eyes to see the Deb-person, the lard-ass, Nessie, and the dragon.

"What?", I growled, still caressing the television.

"Umm.. if you follow me, I'll be willing to show you other flat screens that have greater quality than this one."

I felt the corners of my lips tugging into a wide smile. I withdrew my hands from the now unimportant piece of crap and followed Deb.

"We keep the best models here."she says, now walking into the most beautifulest part of the television department.

I fell to my knees and raised both my arms up to the heavens, and thanked them for such a place.

"Sir?" Damn it Deb.

"I'm in the middle of worship here, can it wait?"

"Sir, I suggest you get up. The floors haven't been cleaned yet."

I groaned and got up. I brushed off the dirty residue off my pants. "Eew, get off."

Deb showed a couple of flat screens that had everything I could ever imagine. But, only one caught my interest.

"I want that one." I said, pointing at large silver one. "It's so pretty."

*********Back at home*********

I plumped down on the couch next to my Rose. I put an arm around her as the whole family began observing the newly improved, highly-defined, silver flat-screen.

"So how much was it?" asked Carlisle, standing right next to it.

"I don't know..... expensive?" I responded, getting more and more comfy with Rose.

"It's almost time!" shrieked Esme, bouncing up and down the couch next to where me and Rose sat. "TYRA!"

"Okay, okay, okay." I groaned. Damn it, what's her rush? My hand fumbled between me and my wife, and found the remote control.

"HURRY!"

"Down, Esme."

Hiss.

I held my arm up and pointed the blasted remote at the television. I pressed on the red button....and nothing happened.

"The hell?" I muttered to the device in my outstretched hand. "Hurry up and turn on. Esme's is giving me the crazy eyes."

I clicked the button hard this time. And the shit control broke in half. I gulped.

In a blink of an eye, Esme chased me around the house.

* * *

Hehe, I'm currently working on the next chapter! TOODLES!


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